Friendship

Friendship.  As women we crave it, but it isn't always easy to come by.  I recently heard someone say that they'd heard an older woman say We may get older, but we're all just teenagers inside.  I was struck by the truth of that simple statement.  We want to be liked.  We want to be accepted.  And we tend to hang out in our "cliques" because it's comfortable.  I don't think we do it to be mean (well, that may be different than high school), but it's easy to hang out with people we know.  Real friendship takes time, and most of us are so caught up in our busy schedules that we'd rather stick with what we know instead of taking the time to try to connect with someone new.  And honestly, many of us aren't even taking the time to regularly connect with the women we already know and love, so bringing in someone new can seem completely overwhelming.  True friendships require nurture and care, and they are so very important.

This year, I have had two dear friends move overseas as missionaries.  One of them in particular has walked beside me for about nine years.  We have been through pregnancies, marital struggles, miscarriages, babies, mission trips, and lots of laughter, tears, and late nights together.  When she moved, I felt like I didn't know where I belonged anymore.  Yes, I had other friends, but she was my "go to"--the one I could tell anything and could always count on to understand how I was feeling.  (And she's still that for me--it's just she lives on another continent, with a seven hour time difference, bad internet connections, and we can't be at each other's houses in 5 minutes time--it's more like 24 hours!)  When she left, I had a period of time where I felt kind of alone--and I didn't like it.  It wasn't because people weren't friendly or didn't invite me places, but it felt like something was missing.

In those first few months after she moved, I thought a lot about the value of friendship and saw first hand how much friendship matters.  I truly felt like a piece of me was missing (we do joke that we share a brain, so I guess part of me kind of is missing), and I was reminded how much women need that in their lives.  Yes, many of us are married and have a best friend in our husband, but women need other women.  We need to have someone who cries at commercials with us or who understands the mama pain our children can cause.

I'm always struck by David and Jonathan in the Bible.  Their friendship had such a depth to it.  I think that is the kind of friendship we all desire, and I think God desires for us to have those friendships in our life, too.  Every good and perfect gift is from above (James 1:17), and friendship is certainly a gift.  Though it can be hard, and though it takes time, it is worth it.

As I move forward, I hope to remember how these past few months of transition have been for me; I want to have my eyes open to those who may be lonely or needing a friend.  I don't want to be "too busy" so that I am no longer making new friends.  The Lord's plans didn't end for me once I hit my mid-30's.  He still has much to teach and show me, and part of that very well may involve people who I haven't yet called friend.

Who can you reach out to today who may be hurting or lonely?  Is there someone new in your neighborhood who would love it if someone just said hi?  Is there another mom at your child's school who always seems to be standing alone?  You never know where God might have a new friendship in store for you--and you never know how He might use you in someone's life.  Take a chance this week.  Ask the Lord to prompt you, and then respond in obedience to what He has to say.  You never know, you might just meet a "Jonathan" for your life.

A Loving Friend

For Your love is ever before me and I walk continually in Your truth."

Psalm 26:3

Well, it is here again, the time of year that causes my heart to ache and stirs memories within me that are so painful I can barely recount them in full. I can only remember the memories in part, in certain pieces, at certain times. And I am only a removed part of the story. I am not a central figure, not a main character, not a family member, not even the closest friend. I am one of many friends who loved, and still love, a family who lost a wife and daughter . . . this day . . . seven years ago.

I am blessed to be part of a wonderful group of girls who get together once a month. Sometimes one of us might miss due to a husband having a meeting, a sick kid, ballgames, you get the idea. But, we have had the group going for close to 9 years. We add to our group, girls move, but the corp remains. Seven years ago we had our Christmas get together at my girlfriend's house. We had maybe the best night ever. One of our friends was about to have her second child. We were all excited about having Christmas with our young kids. We laughed about how silly the show the "Bachelor" was (it was a relatively new show back then!) and how blessed we were to have our husbands. Life was pretty great. In fact, it felt like it could not get any better this side of heaven, at least for me it did.

That following Saturday, my girlfriend who hosted the Christmas party, called me rather late. In this phone call she told me that one of our members, our sweet precious friend, had been killed along with her daughter. Her husband was also in the car and was in serious condition and in the hospital. Their son was not in the accident. Scott and I could not believe it. She told us it was true, we said we loved each other and hung up. Scott ran out the door to get a paper. The husband/dad is his good friend. He had to find some proof of the accident, he just could not believe it. He found none. But, we did call the hospital. The next morning we were there at 8:00 am to meet and pray with a man who had just lost almost everything. Yet this amazing man had his faith, and his boy.

We were all shaken, horrified, broken-hearted. They had been killed by a drunk driver. This is a sweet, loving, Christian family. They help others, serve the community, love each other. Drunk driving. Drunk driving. Drunk driving. Only by GOD's grace did a family and community move on.

I miss my friend. She was so funny! She loved so much. She left notes. She was very talented. She left notes about her faith. She loved her husband. She was thankful. She loved her kids. She made an impact on my life. I am thankful for her.

My friend taught me much. She didn't seem to ever hold back. What a lesson for us to learn as we head into the holidays. I want to love like this. Christ loves like this- with abandon. I love my girlfriends. I love you, girls! I love my kids! You are my wonderful gifts! I love my husband! My best friend and so much more- you make my life so great!!!

I want to celebrate this year and every year knowing my kids have the knowledge that their mom lives her life to the fullest- not just that she wants them to live their life to the fullest. Do they see me laugh, joke, run, sing? Do they hear me talk to GOD? Do they see me read my Bible? Am I leading them closer to their Savior each day? Do they see me loving their Daddy? Am I soaking it up?

"Guide me in Your truth and teach me,

for You are GOD my Savior,

and my hope is in You all day long."

Psalm25:5

I wish you all peace and safety this holiday. For those of you grieving the loss of a loved one, a marriage, a relationship, or a job, I wish you the peace and comfort that only the Holy Spirit can bring. In honor of my sweet friend and her precious daughter, I wish you the fearlessness to love with abandon in the power of the Almighty!

Love and Merry Christmas, friends!

"Father GOD, let me love in Your way. Let me lead those you have given me. Let me follow those you have set over me. Teach me to love without fear. I love You."
jill