He spoke to my heart, and though it isn't always easy to hear, I listened. I felt Him asking who I depended on. My thoughts turned to the book I'm reading, Kisses From Katie (which I highly recommend by the way). In the book, Katie talks about returning to America for 4 months after having lived in Uganda for a year. She struggles with her time back in the States, and one of the key things she realizes is how in Uganda everything she did was dependent on the Lord. However, in America, she depended much on herself or those around her. We have so much stuff that it can get in the way of God.
After reading that yesterday, I saw the Truth in my own life today. I thought about how when I am sad, I will oftentimes seek out a friend. I thought about how often I depend on my happiness rather than the joy that is found in Christ alone. I thought about how I depend on myself to get things done rather than relying on the Holy Spirit who lives in me. And though I don't think God calls us to do this world alone, I do think He wants me to find my strength in Him alone. He longs for me--for us--to get away from the clutter that fills our days and to look to Him. He longs for us to be filled with the Holy Spirit. He promises to be with us, so why do I sometimes act like I am all alone?
If the only thing Christ ever did for me was die for my sins, I have still received the greatest gift ever given. And yet, He blesses me with so much more than that. Why then do I so often blow off the One who has given me everything I could ever need? Why do I find my worth in my spouse, my children, my friends, my church? The Lord is everything we could ever need and more.
And so, my walk became "church" tonight. God reminded me that I can lean fully on Him. He is my refuge, my strength, my strong tower, my rock, my salvation, my peace, my joy....He is everything I need. He is the only One worthy, and I will choose to rely on Him rather than the temporary things of this world. He is my all in all, and on Him I will depend. Thank you, Jesus!