Waiting is not something most of us do well. Yet there are times (dare I say many times?) that this is what God has for us. His timing is not like ours, and so we find ourselves waiting for what seems like an eternity (but may only be a week).
Sometimes we learn later why the wait was a good thing or we see something different (better) that came out of that time, but sometimes we are left wondering what in the world God was doing. Sure, we might say we trust His timing, but I think we could all admit to occasionally secretly wondering WHY. Why is this taking so long? Why aren't You doing what I want? Why, Lord?!
I, for one, do not like to wait. I like to feel like I'm in control, and I like things to happen on the timeline I had planned. (Some people would even tell you that I always said I'd get married when I was 23. Wanna take a guess at when I got married? 23--Evidently, God had the same idea for me with that one--and I am grateful.) All that to say, God has been working on me for awhile now on surrendering control and trusting Him. And I thought I was doing a much better job of it...but evidently, I still have some learning to do....
We are in the process of adopting internationally. We started our application on August 16, 2010 and were on the wait list by January 4, 2011. Things were moving at a great pace, and it looked like we'd get a referral and possibly one or both travel dates this year. And then things stopped. Completely. Since we have been on the wait list, not one referral has been given through our agency for our particular country (and we are 100+ on the list based on our best guess). In recent weeks, there has also been some information regarding our particular country which has led us to wonder even more how many years we might actually be looking at when we thought it would be this year.
To be honest, this wait that had suddenly seemed "doable" suddenly became more than I could bear. I was heartbroken, confused, and just at a loss. I cried before the Lord, asking Him to help me understand. And this is what He said, "The one who calls you is faithful and He will do it." (I Thessalonians 5:24) "The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still." (Exodus 14:14)
Every part of me wanted to believe Him at His Word, but I still felt overwhelmed. Lord, this wait is too hard. It's too long. When will we get our daughter? How many years will we have to wait? But, in the midst of the hard, I kept praying...and I kept asking others to pray. And God has started working on my heart.
The wait is still before us. It still has no end in sight. But, the God of the Universe has told me that He will do this, so I am choosing to trust Him. Yesterday, He spoke to me again, and He said, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13)
I feel hopeful again--not because my circumstances have changed but because my God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and He has promised to fight for me. He will do it--maybe not in the timing I had planned, but He will. And in the meantime, I pray that I might overflow with hope....
I don't know what you might be going through right now, or what you might be waiting on, but I know that the Lord is with you. He takes great delight in you. He rejoices over you with singing. He is faithful and just, and He works all things together for good for those who love Him. He is big enough, strong enough, GOD enough to handle whatever you're feeling. Lay it before Him. Trust Him. He is worthy of all our praise. And whatever He has for you, it's worth the wait.